The Rock

By Rich Rodriquez

True and Amusing Story about Life at Santa Clara Police Department

When we got there, we saw that the man had used a large rock to shatter the side window of the car. It looked like his first attempts to break the glass were unsuccessful. All the other windows had also been scratched and gouged with the rock. In his frustration, he had also used the rock to make several large dents on the hood, trunk and fenders of this brand new car. The smell of stale alcohol filled the vehicle.

We awoke the man, a very hung-over and disheveled business executive from Texas. He explained how he had too much to drink the night before. He had pulled off the freeway and into this parking lot, looking for a place to relieve himself. After he was done, he got turned around in the darkness and could not find his rental car. When he finally found it, he realized he had locked himself out of the car. He used the rock to break the glass, then crawled into the back seat and passed out. He told me, "Don't worry, I bought the insurance."

I checked the license number of the car and was surprised to see it registered to a local address. When I asked him about this, the man's head whipped around and he squinted through very bloodshot eyes. He pointed to the green car and said, "That's supposed to be maroon." He then begged, "Please tell me that's a Dodge Intrepid." I walked to the back of the car where I could see the logo and yelled back to him, "Nope - Ford Contour." About a hundred yards away was a maroon Dodge Intrepid. The driver's door was unlocked, keys in the ignition and it was in perfect condition.

The moral of this true story is: Some days you're the dog, but when you drink and drive, you're the hydrant.