From Denial to Acceptance: A Nation Grieves

By Cheryl (Martin) Ede

The stages of grieving are applied to our citizens' responses to the war in Iraq and to global warming, helping us understand why it is so difficult to come together as one nation to address these challenges.

Sleep does not come easy these days. Some have lost a son, daughter, husband, wife, father, mother, fiancé or fiancée, girlfriend or boyfriend. Others have gone shopping. No wonder we feel at odds with each other. How can we come together as a nation, when we are all over the map in our grief responses? After the death of a child, it is not uncommon for couples to divorce. Most likely, their different reactions to grief and varied stages of progression through the grieving process take a toll. And so it is with us. Even as we see the light at the end of the tunnel, projected in the prospect of a new president who will help us move beyond these tragic years of the Iraq War and occupation, global warming, and now a disintegrating economy that injects fear into the hearts of many, we know there is a long recovery road ahead. What does a person do when they lose their home, their job, or both? What does a mother, father, husband, wife, son or daughter do when the very worst news arrives? What will life be like for humans, if polar bears are extinct?

The sense of loss and disappointment also affects the pride we feel about our country. We wonder if we'll ever get it back--if our children and grandchildren will experience the U.S. that once was ours. Research on the stages individuals move through, as they grieve the death of loved ones, provides insight into where we are as a nation. We have and are suffering major losses due to the Iraq War and occupation, global warming, and our economy. The first stage of the grieving process is denial, followed by anger. Bargaining is the third stage, followed by depression, then acceptance.

The losses suffered in Iraq, with over 4,000 dead young Americans who volunteered to serve our country, are unfathomable. As the Academy Award-nominated documentary, "No End in Sight," reveals, there is no end in sight. More young Americans serving our country will lose their lives, leaving families with an emptiness that cannot be filled. Until our leaders assume the necessary moral responsibility to end our occupation, this is our fate. Add to this the countless Iraqi civilians who have died, or been maimed, or who have been forced to flee their homes, and no wonder many of us have sleepless nights!

We did not need a cheerleader president who only wants to hear what he wants to hear. Denial is the first stage of the grieving process. Pertinent to understanding where we are in terms of grieving as a nation, is recognizing where our president is in this process. The denial stage is best represented by President Bush. His relatively recent statement to military commanders that those serving in Iraq were experiencing a "romantic adventure" speaks for itself.

Psychologists must look at the good, the bad and the ugly. When a Mission Bay High School junior told me about losing her parents--she was 7, her sister was 5, when their mother killed their father--I could not say: "Don't tell me; I don't want to hear about the blood on the wall." The anger stage has too many representatives to name--just choose your favorite talk-show host pointing fingers at others. John McCain symbolizes the bargaining stage--we will achieve victory, if we maintain our resolve; only by giving in will we be defeated. McCain suggests we only need a few more years, or perhaps a hundred years, a few or many more sacrifices--human and treasure--and then we will have victory. The depression stage is best reflected by the many tragic suicides of our returning Iraqi veterans.

In a recent Senate hearing, Retired Lt. General William Odom testified: "The path to political stability in Iraq will be bloody, regardless of whether we withdraw or not. We are to blame for this, but we do not have the physical means to prevent it. We do have the physical means to stop more troops from being killed or wounded. The real moral dilemma is whether to risk the lives of more Americans. It is the moral responsibility our current American leaders are lacking." Odom exemplifies the last stage of the grieving process, acceptance, as does a local example, Farouk al-Nasser, Ph.D. Dr. Nasser is informing San Diegans about the truth of the surge in his native country, Iraq.

The entire world did not need a U.S. president in denial about global warming. Again, for much of his presidency, President Bush best represents the denial stage as applied to global warming. Perhaps he has moved to the cap-and-trade bargaining stage, as the evidence of global warming mounts, making it difficult for human defense mechanisms to protect against awareness of the external evidence. Locally, one might argue that the decision makers at SDG&E represent the bargaining phase. Apparently, they think their Sunrise Powerlink is an acceptable compromise. President Bush and SDG&E obviously have not made it to the final acceptance stage, exemplified by individuals such as Al Gore and Lester Brown. Locally, those exemplifying acceptance of the sad state of the earth, allowing them to confront the problem head-on, include Kumeyaa Native Americans and former California Public Utilities Commission employee and environmental activist, Martha Sullivan.

Both major crises are related--if we can get off oil, we can get off wars, and end the misuse of our military. Presidents know they are the commanders-in-chief of the best military in the world. Sadly, many cannot resist the temptation to use that power. It is the temptation James Madison said would be too great for any one person. He determined the power to declare war must rest with Congress!

It is time we honored the Constitution by following it. This, along with the determination not to leave our children and grandchildren a country drowning in debt and rising sea levels, leads me to where I am--I must get to Washington, D.C., where there is work to be done! Besides, I need a good night's sleep.